Courageous Discernment

To begin to describe what has happened to me can only be felt and sensed in this human world as a rollercoaster.

Vatta Pitta firing. Ups and downs, ins and outs, bliss and sadness. Feelings of being trapped and wanting to leave, be free fully awake and present....only to then slowly bring myself back down
to the process, the flow of what is happening in this beautiful awakening, trusting my heart and universe and her timing, realising this is my present in this moment, trying to treat this presence with kindness and gentleness. 

It's not easy. This is revelation.

The death of old self has became even more apparent.

In this uncertainty, I absorbed myself in reading. I finished reading Siddartha by Hermann Hesse - what a wakening beyond all wakenings. I don't have many words to describe this book. Only a feeling in my heart which I will cherish forever and revisit.

I also read my favourite book from beginning to end (Paulo Coelho - by the river piedra I sat down and wept).

A book so deep in its simplicity about Love and Mother Universe and human beings. Obviously, Paulo comes from Catholic background and therefore uses this as his reference for spirituality but he speaks to all spirituality so expansively and accessibly. What a gift. 

Both filled my soul with hope, Love and the Divine so deeply, only to fall
hard at the face of my reality of this life I have created which is so misaligned.

I also read Aisha Salem (specifically on the consort and relationships) and an interview with Bernie Prior.

Once again filling me with immense clarity, vision, hope and inspiration in recognising the Divine way of Love and relationships. Love and how powerfully and deeply it manifests in spirit and romantic, in masculine and feminine.

I can’t live another day thinking of Love any other way. 

I am so grateful to have woken to this, but I have also woken to how glaringly far I am away from living this Love.

I therefore feel stuck/trapped, inspired and exhausted, terrified and so in awe of this Divine process. 

Incredibly expanded. 

Incredibly insecure.

In meditation today, and after reading Osho's - The way of the heart.

I meditate on the two words that will guide my life in its Divine uncertain presence.

Courageous Discernment.

Courageous because living a life of expansion and insecurity is in fact living a life of complete freedom, this take courage and ofcourse presence and patience.

Discernment because in this beautiful manifestation of the Divine awakening in me, I have to be discerning with my thoughts, of past and future. 

I have to be discerning about the people around me, some who are witnessing the journey and some who are fellow travelers on this journey, they too have a path to follow which comes with its own levels of insecurity and inward reflection of Self.

So I feel and sit with my present, with immense courage, I treat my thoughts with deep courage, discernment, kindness and gentleness.

I continue on this expansive beautiful mystery of life, with courage and discernment - accepting all the uncertainty and insecurity that comes with it, knowing that this is the true way of the mystery. 

How incredibly bold, how incredibly Divine and terrifying.

I have great gratitude for my fellow travellers on this journey. Teaching me courage and discernment.

I also have immense gratitude towards myself for allowing this expansion and all the mystery and uncertainty that comes with it.

Let the opening of my eyes and my Self continue, no matter what fear and insecurities this brings. 

What I have realised is that the more afraid I am, the more insecure I am, the more I rest into my heart that I am following a true calling, into this unknown.

I cannot wait to see what unfolds further.

Yours in mystery, courage and discernment.

Love

xxxx